Picture credit - c. 1700 watercolour from Mewar depicting the Mahabharat war
Day 66 - Interpersonal Skill
14 June 2020
sirurp@gmail.com
My learning for the day
Today I want to share my learning Interpersonal skills from two mythological stories .
I dedicate this piece to Mr Anoop Sud, who was our senior leader; we considered him as epitome of interpersonal skills, we still do.
Story 1 - Krishna’s peace meeting with Kauravas (from Indian Mythology)
Source - Lord Krishna – Role model of an effective negotiator by Sukanya Ashokkumar, Not a Needle Point of Territory – Krishna and Duryodhana’s Conversation by the lonely philosopher
This is a story of how Krishna followed the rules of effective negotiation (even when he knew the outcome of the negotiation meeting).
The Pandavas were contemplating on the course of action to get back their lost kingdom. Krishna engineered the entire negotiation process.
The first thing he did was to invite all kings who were on Pandavas’ side to explain the circumstances that gave Pandavas their right to stake their claim in the kingdom.
He then chose a suitable messenger of peace to invite the Kauravas for the meeting. Krishna coached the messenger on how to communicate the message, how to articulate the points in favour of Pandavas and how to appeal to Dritarshtras’ judiciousness.
The objective of all these meetings was to ensure that no efforts to restore peace were spared, even though Krishna knew that Duryodhana will never come forward for peace because of his arrogance and ego.
Duryodhan did not agree for any negotiation as anticipated (Krishna - “Forget half kingdom, give us five villages and we will go away happily.” Duryodhan - “Forget five villages, not a needle point of territory will I give them.”)
Krishna ensured that the noble persons in the Kaurava team like Bhishma, Vithura, Drona etc. were given a chance to assert themselves on the matter
Krishna created a bigger picture of how the world will look after peace and tried to woo their conscience. He also spoke eloquently about what could happen if war takes place after the failed negotiations.
Here’s an excellent article giving details of the whole conversation.
The Learning
- If we have a big ego, the first action we should do is to keep it away during a negotiations meeting
- We must ensure that all stakeholders are given a hearing before the negotiation starts (Krishna invited all the kings who supported the Pandavas for discussions)
- We need to plan how to exit when when the negotiations fail and what tone of language we should use to end the meeting
- There could be some well wishers in the opposite team. How can we make us of them?
Story 2 - Calliope, Muse of Epic poetry and eloquence (from Greek Mythology)
Source - Classical wisdom
There were nine muses, the patron goddesses of art, literature or sciences. They were daughters of Zeus, the King of Gods and Mnemosyne, Goddess of memory.
Calliope, the muse of epic poetry and eloquence, was the chief of all other muses.
Calliope was the one who gifted kings with the ability to speak with grace and power by anointing their lips with honey when they were born. This helped them utter true judgments and make wise endings to any quarrel or conflict.
The Learning
- Eloquence is an art cultivated by the Kings. When the Kings speak, they display power, they display hope, they display grace, they display respect for others. How can we invoke Calliope and make her our muse so that we cultivate Kings’ eloquence?
- Eloquence is using the right words (and as less words as possible) as spoken by the Kings so that it does not create ambiguity. The more the words, the more will be the interpretations
My learning so far on this topic
Day 6 post - Eric Bern’s Games people play
Day 16 post - How to Express Feelings... and How Not To
Day 26 post - Negotiations skills - BATNA
Day 36 post - Two TED talks - How motivation can fix public systems & The secret to giving great feedback
Day 46 post - Two books on Interpersonal Skill - Influence without authority & Compelling people (the hidden qualities that make us influential)
Day 56 post - Two movies - The Godfather & Living Aikido Life
What is Interpersonal Skill?
Interpersonal Skill is an ability to recognize and understand other people’s moods, desires, motivations, and intentions.
These skills are part of interpersonal skills -
Negotiation skills
Conflict management skills
Assertiveness skills
Refusal skills
Influencing/ persuasion skills
Networking skills
Motivation skills
How to improve this skill?
Set a goal to become a go-to person by mastering the art and science of interpersonal skill.
Follow the LAST model to build your personal brand as a Guru of interpersonal skill.
Learn - Invest time in learning different frameworks/ models/ techniques of interpersonal skill
Apply -
Identify a model suitable to you
Create a template to document the flow of the process
Find opportunities to use the selected method/ template
Maintain record/ process flow of every important activities you did with respect to interpersonal skill
Maintain notes of your thoughts/ insights/ failures/ challenges…. to be used for sharing/ training others
Share - Share the insights captured in step 2 above in a planned manner (social media posts, blogs, videos, study notes…)
Train - Generate opportunities to train your peers and team members so that, over time, your organization benefits from your efforts
Purpose of this document
I took a 66 day challenge to study Life Skills last year (10 April 2019). To my astonishment, I succeeded in studying for 66 days one skill a day.
My objectives of learning these skills were - To strengthen my mind to face life’s challenges with ease, To use these skills in my worklife for a better performance, To use these skills in my personal life for enriching my relationships, To open new possibilities to surprise myself.
This is my next 66 day challenge (from 10 April 2020) - To share my Life Skills learning with my social media friends.
I pray that my toil helps you in your success journey.
What are Life Skills?
UNICEF defines Life skills as - psychosocial abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and challenges of everyday life. They are loosely grouped into three broad categories of skills
- cognitive skills for analyzing and using information,
- personal skills for developing personal agency and managing oneself,
- inter-personal skills for communicating and interacting effectively with others.
Which LifeSkills are covered?
The World Health Organisation identified these basic areas of life skills that are relevant across cultures:
1. Decision-making
2. Problem-solving
3. Creative thinking
4. Critical thinking
5. Communication
6. Interpersonal skills
7. Self-awareness
8. Empathy
9. Coping with emotions
10. Coping with stress.
Some trivia
‘Life skills’ was never part of the school curriculum. WHO/ UNESCO mandated academia to teach these skills in all schools across the globe in 1993.
Different countries educate their children in these skills with different objectives
- Zimbabwe and Thailand - prevention of HIV/AIDS
- Mexico - prevention of adolescent pregnancy
- United Kingdom - child abuse prevention
- USA - prevention of substance abuse and violence
- South Africa and Colombia - positive socialization of children.
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