Picture credit - SCMP
Day 49 - Coping with emotions
28 May 2020
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sirurp@gmail.com
My learning for the day
Today I want to summarise two books on the topic of coping with emotions. Thanks Marcel Schwantes for 12 Must-Read Books That Will Raise Your Emotional Intelligence
Book 1 - The Book of Human Emotions
Author - Tiffany Watt Smith
Do you have the heebie-jeebies? Are you antsy with iktsuarpok? Are you filled with nakhes? Is cheerfulness and gezelligheid the same? How do you present yourself to a new group when you are Nginyiwarrarringu?
The author takes us through an amazing journey of ‘emotions’ covering 156 emotions (some examples of unique emotions - Toska - a longing with nothing to long for, basorexia - sudden urge to kiss someone, iktsuarpok - a feeling of anticipation while waiting for someone to arrive, often leading to intermittently going outside to check for them, Torschlusspanik - gate closing panic, awumbuk - A feeling you get when you say goodbye to the last guest, close the door and survey your empty home, schadenfreude - enjoying someone’s misfortune)
Some of these emotions exist in modern Western culture today, but don’t mean the same thing as they did in the past.
Some of the emotions are not translatable into English with a single word, so it requires conceptual combination.
The Scottish Gaelic dictionary describes 49 shades of ‘sadness’. The Pintupi tribe of Australia have words for 15 kinds of fear.
The more emotions you have in your vocabulary, the more emotionally intelligent you’ll be.
Book 2 - Emotional Intelligence 2.0
EQ (Emotional Quotient) is so critical to success that it accounts for 58% of performance in all types of jobs.
‘Emotional Intelligence 2.0’ delivers a step-by-step program for increasing your EQ via four, core EQ skills that enable you to achieve your fullest potential - Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Management
It explains how to deal with emotions creatively and employ our intelligence in a beneficial way.
One of the advantages of this book is that it comes with an authorization code to undertake an on-line assessment of your emotional intelligence. This helps you to develop your EQ action plan.
The other advantage of the book is that it focuses on providing 66 simple, practical exercises to help you develop your chosen area (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship management).
Some useful stats from the book
- Only 35% of people tested are able to accurately identify their emotions as they happen
- 90% of the high performers are also high in EQ
- Middle managers have the highest EQ scores in the workforce, with CEOs with the lowest
- American executives averaged 15 points lower than Chinese executives in self-management and relationship management
- The authors observed an increase in EQ across the US population (from 13.7% with high EQ skills in 2003 to 18.3% in 2007), it declined in 2008 – the start of the recession
What is Coping with emotions?
Emotions are biological states brought on by thoughts, feelings, behavioural responses, and a degree of pleasure or displeasure.
The basic emotions are
1. joy/ sadness,
2. acceptance/ disgust,
3. fear/ anger,
4. surprise/ anticipation.
The word "emotion" dates back to 1579, when it was adapted from the French word émouvoir, which means "to stir up". Emotions create responses in the brain called feelings.
Coping with emotions is -
a. understanding the patterns of emotions,
b. understanding our responses to emotions and
c. taking corrective and preventive actions
My learning so far on this topic
Day 9 post - Plutchik wheel of emotions and ways to cope with emotions
Day 19 post - Association of emotions with endocrine system, the Chakras and the Yoga postures
Day 29 post - Learning from an RJ (Radio Jockey)
Day 39 post - Two TED talks - The gift and power of emotional courage & Why we all need to practice emotional first aid
How to improve this skill?
Set a goal to become a go-to person by mastering the art and science of coping with emotions.
Follow the LAST model to build your personal brand as a Guru of coping with emotions.
Learn - Invest time in learning different frameworks/ models/ techniques of coping with emotions
Apply -
Identify a model suitable to you
Create a template to document the flow of the process
Find opportunities to use the selected method/ template
Maintain record/ process flow of every important activities you did with respect to coping with emotions
Maintain notes of your thoughts/ insights/ failures/ challenges…. to be used for sharing/ training others
Share - Share the insights captured in step 2 above in a planned manner (social media posts, blogs, videos, study notes…)
Train - Generate opportunities to train your peers and team members so that, over time, your organization benefits from your efforts
Purpose of this document
I took a 66 day challenge to study Life Skills last year (10 April 2019). To my astonishment, I succeeded in studying for 66 days one skill a day.
My objectives of learning these skills were - To strengthen my mind to face life’s challenges with ease, To use these skills in my worklife for a better performance, To use these skills in my personal life for enriching my relationships, To open new possibilities to surprise myself.
This is my next 66 day challenge (from 10 April 2020) - To share my Life Skills learning with my social media friends.
I pray that my toil helps you in your success journey.
What are Life Skills?
UNICEF defines Life skills as - psychosocial abilities for adaptive and positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and challenges of everyday life. They are loosely grouped into three broad categories of skills
- cognitive skills for analyzing and using information,
- personal skills for developing personal agency and managing oneself,
- inter-personal skills for communicating and interacting effectively with others.
Which LifeSkills are covered?
The World Health Organisation identified these basic areas of life skills that are relevant across cultures:
1. Decision-making
2. Problem-solving
3. Creative thinking
4. Critical thinking
5. Communication
6. Interpersonal skills
7. Self-awareness
8. Empathy
9. Coping with emotions
10. Coping with stress.
Some trivia
‘Life skills’ was never part of the school curriculum. WHO/ UNESCO mandated academia to teach these skills in all schools across the globe in 1993.
Different countries educate their children in these skills with different objectives
- Zimbabwe and Thailand - prevention of HIV/AIDS
- Mexico - prevention of adolescent pregnancy
- United Kingdom - child abuse prevention
- USA - prevention of substance abuse and violence
- South Africa and Colombia - positive socialization of children.
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